I went to a talk today given by the widow of Jane Zito.  Jane is the widow of Jonathan Zito; Jonathan was killed in 1992 by Christopher Clunis who had a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia.  Following intense lobbying by Jane there was a public enquiry which examined how the healthcare system had failed Clunis in allowing him to murder Jonathan Zito, who was simply an unlucky bystander.  Since Jonathan’s death, Jane has set up the Zito Trust

During her speech and the subsequent questions Jane said several times how important she feels it is that, when something happens like in her case, someone contacts the victims family and says that they are sorry.  She said that this should happen even if nothing had been done wrong. 

I’ve been thinking since then about how important the word ’sorry’ and the power that it has as an expression and why we can be so reluctant to use it.

‘Sorry’ is many things, but above all it is the benchmark of contrition; you can make many expressions of apology, but until you’ve said ’sorry’ people will always come back asking for more.  As well as an expression of regret, it’s a sign of respect and an acknowledgement of the suffering of another person.  When an apology is felt to be lacking, people can feel that this absense can compound the original misdeed. 

‘Sorry’ in public and private life is often lacking.  People can feel that to say ’sorry’ is an admission of responsibility and a invite for disciplinary action.  Governments have failed to apologise for past crimes for fear of the possible financial consequences. 

Doctors and other healthcare staff make plenty of mistakes.  The NHS has a policy document about this which encourages people to apologise.  This is something that we’ve not been good at in the past.  Part of the problem perhaps is the responsibility is spread very thinly these days, and roles are blurred; it is not clear whom should be taking ultimate responsibility, who should be picking up the phone and saying ’sorry’.  Fear of being disciplined is ultimately destructive as people whose unsatisfactory treatment is not acknowledged are more likely to seek this recognition through litigation. 

It’s possible to go to far or to be insincere.  I used to work for a well known psychiatrist who was very keen, as we all are, on not attracting complaints.  He liked to tell a story about a meeting concerning a serious incident where he apologised so many times that an astute family member said ‘Dr X you’ve said ’sorry’ over 20 times during this meeting’.  To which the he replied ‘I’m sorry about that’.  It is also possible to say that you are ’sorry’ for the distress with which someone has been visited, without being sorry that about what caused it, which is something of a sleight of hand. 

There have been some famous ’sorries’ in recent times.  In November 2006 Tony Blair expressed ‘deep sorrow’ for the UK’s part in the slave trade.  This was considered by many to be inadequate.  In the following January he came out as being actually sorry.  In February 2008 the Prime Minister of Australia Kevin Rudd repeatedly said sorry for the stolen generation of aboriginal children.

The Apology Movement – although this may exist simply to sell books

Guardian article about NHS apologies

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